This will be a weird blog tonight because I really don't know how to start or end...I just know the middle.
Tonight I find myself trying to figure out the answer to a question. I was asked, 'can I get a raincheck on that?' And I know what they mean...I think...I can guess their intended question in that...
If the question is meant to ask, 'will you forgive me' then I know what I'll say. Yes.
However, there is part of me that wants to rail. This life is fleeting. There are moments, and if you miss them, you miss them. One of my dear friends is getting married in less than a week and I won't be there to see it. It is incredibly pointless and somewhat hurtful if I were to ask her 'can I get a raincheck on that'....that little thing of missing your wedding. Now...she and I have talked and she knows why I can't be there. So I didn't ask her for a raincheck. I knew. I knew this would be a moment in her life and I would miss it. The reason matters to her, and to me, but really it doesn't change the facts. I'll miss it. No turning back, no changing it.
The moments in our lives where people can be there or not is not the equivalent of going to the store to find they are out of what'chits and whosits and fudguzitmaflos and you can get a raincheck and come back at some later, more convenient time and pick it back up. Nothing lost.
So there is part of me that wants to hit this person who asked me the question, not because I can't or won't forgive them...but because I find their question maddening. There is no getting this moment back, it's gone. You missed it. I am not God, so I can't rewind life to give you this fragment back...this isn't like hitting pause on your tivo, or dvd, so you can go grab the phone and come back to where you left off. It's gone. So, NO...you really can't get a raincheck. I am not a store, and this moment is not a product. You missed it.
Life is moving on. The hours passed, the minutes fell away into eternity....it is gone. And either you make priorities and decisions in your life with this in mind, or you live with the consequences.
So screw it...I'm going to go and book a flight. Put my money where my mouth is. I'm going to see my friend's wedding this weekend. Life is short. The people in your life either matter or they don't. The moments in our lives where we make the choice to be there for the people we love, and we have memories....or we simply have missed moments, a void, an absense, a regret. I may be able to find a deal and go, or I'll know at least I tried, and yes, that I missed it.
No rainchecks. Just life.