Inauspicious

It's funny...you think a million, a billion thoughts a day...and inauspiciously one of those thoughts pops into your head and it arrests you in a millionth of a second.  It's not just a run of the mill thought, it's a story, or a poem, and it starts unfolding like a spring bud to a new season.   You stand there, the only witness, and in part you feel amazed--this story, poem, or inspiration came to you...and in part relieved--it's been a long time, and excited--because despite the fact that this is your head, you are still an accessory to this idea, this unfolding, this existence that is complete without your input, as well as transfixed...and then lastly, instantaneously aware of all that stands between you and the transcription.   Every pen, paper, or computer now stand as beacons in your spacial awareness...you and this idea, the center point, while a ticking clock jumps in to the fray to start the clock on how fast you can move from this moment to the nearest writing device...be it pen, or lipstick, or keyboard.   You also have this paralysis that occurs..because you don't want to loose this gem within you before it's ready to let you run, or you risk it becoming so much dust, a flimsy could-have-been.   So you wait, held in custody to  an idea trying to bequeath itself upon you, which snuck up on you, waltzed up and said 'hello'.  You breath in...preparing to run, while trying to capture every crystalline facet of this invader...and haunting you with the dare to try and sketch it fast enough once you're seated so that if this inauspicious sentence that ran through your brain like just another person in the subway of your streaming thoughts turns out to be much much much more than you ever imagined.   And, yet, even if it's nothing more than ten lines, or even if it's eight million lines, it is enough just as it is...and in that moment you are richer than any king, or queen.  

Today it's a soft 68 degrees, or perhaps 72.  The cool spring air is gently wafting around me and through the wind chime, there are yellow butterflies dancing across the lawn looking for flowers or clover left uneaten by the bunnies from yesterday's foraging.   In the near distance, a dove coos.  The sun is slipping between gentle white clouds, and when the sun is not playing coy it causes the fountain to run a gentle trickle (the fountain is powered with a solar panel, so the split second of a shy sun has it silenced).  I'm sitting on a rocking chair in my backyard, with my laptop and more than a zillion things that need to be done...but for this moment, this instance of humble awe, and excitement that had to be acknowledged.   I had a unambiguous slip of a thought ease into my day, a story, and it's been sooooooo very long...and it's like someone surprised me with a present.  And you open the box...and there's more in it that you ever thought, and it is an incredible thing that I do not want to take for granted. 

I'm carving out some time to sketch this story down.   It still feels pretty weighty.  At first I thought it was a snippet. However, who knows it may be much, much, more... and I sigh in a mixture of contentment for the company the story brings, and in frustration...there aren't enough days like this one where I can write these days.   I have many stories held captive in my head, captive to demands I cannot ignore like paying the bills, and a job, and cleaning the house, and  watering the lawn, and a fence that is creaking a warning to me--that hey, shore me up or be prepared to replace me....and staying in contact with friends and family....and...and...and.....we all have these lists....lists that run our days...and yes, I want to break free, make a run for it...and go on a journey with the stories inside me, to feel them pour out of my fingertips into the keyboard, or onto a page with a "fun" pen....to drink in days like this where the breeze giggles, and the sun flirts, and the words run like water from a mountain lake down into a mountain river...and through the valley...

How precious are these moments.  How precious are these days.  How  precious is this life...and how utterly enthralling.  

Anyway....dear world...may your days be bright and beautiful and may you too be found by an inauspicious thought.  :)  And may you break free from the lists, and for a moment be free.

30ish random thoughts.....

So my dearest friend tagged me in facebook and copied it to her blog, for those of us who don't really check in with facebook as if it were the blood of life.    I was inspired to reply but felt a post would probably be the better medium.  So without further ado...my 30ish random thoughts about me.

Please *grin*  -- life is short....and silliness is required.



1. I make cookies. I started out making chocolate chip cookies when I had to use a chair to reach the counter, and still had to stand on tip-toe to dump in the ingredients. My Mom would challenge me to remember the ingredients...10 fingers, 10 pieces and with a little love and some baking...voila.


2. I used to say I had a black thumb with indoor plants. Now I can tell you I have 6 indoor plants that are green and growing...three of which probably need to be repotted...and my balcony is a little potted garden. This would not have been possible were it not for...Phil's Mom...and she knows who she is ;). Thanks. Green things are good, and I have another expensive hobby.


3. I once broke my finger in 3 places playing cards. And, I still won. I laughed, I cried, I called out...those are mine. ;) The doctor originally told me it was a sprain and I needed to exercise it as much as possible...a week later called me in a panic.  I received a cast up to my elbow.  And still my ring size for that finger is a whole size bigger than it was before.


4. I have lived in 3 states: Oregon, Utah, and Texas. (Apparently I'm drawn to the places that are like their own little worlds...and that are vastly different from the ones before. Although I jokingly say Utah + Oregon = Texas...at least weather wise.)


5. I once was in a car accident. I was pushed off the lane (I-215 construction...and an entitled Excursion...who didn't stop) I was going 70 at the time, I rolled the car 3.5 times..the ceiling caved in, the winshields blew out, the wheel axels were torn off, a couple tires separated off...pretty much a TOTALLED car....and the ambulance people that arrived at the scene did more damage to me than the accident did. Accident - one bruise, quarter sized. Ambulance - rammed a solid board into a hair clip (attached to my head) 6 times...with me calling out "HAIR---CLIP---HAIR CLIP, please take the hair clip off!!!" End result--goose egg. But all in all, I know God was watching out for me, a miracle.


6. I have 2 younger, taller, brothers.  I am proud of the men they've become. 


7. I never thought I'd be a writer. And, well with my current level of progress this is true. However, I have had multiple charcters walk into my head. One in particular that I'm attempting to do her justice, she walked in with the entire story, protagonist and all, and layed it down. When she explained her story, 'what happened to her', it sounded so simple...LOL...here I am 6 years later....writing a good story is a craft, an art, and a LOT of work.



8. I have dreamed of England and Scotland since....well probably since I was making cookies. perhaps someday my dreams will come true.


9. I love art...but couldn't draw stick figures.....Some of my favorites have surprised even me. Michelangelo, Scott Mutter, Tom Till, and Leonardo Nierman. I really love the Baroque period of painters.



10. I've been dating a guy for 10 months now. It's unofficially official. I'm planning a wedding, buying a house.....and since things come in threes.....hmmmmmmm can I put in a request for a puppy?


11. I love Shiba Inus...and want one....I love the Harley Davidson coloring, but the red reminds me of one of the best puppy dogs in the whole world (my sister...lol) Pippin. (She's my Mom's dog---hence the sister part). She's currently living with my brother and his wife.


12. My favorite color is a deep, royal, purple. However, I love all jewel tones.



13. I have title...well two...since one of them is from work, but the other was given to me by D--J--E--G--Nobdoy the 3rd. It's better when I can speak the title rather than tell it to you, my initials are: K--B--E--A--C--N--7


14. I love to read fiction and poetry. I highly recommend the book Red Earth by Stacy Anne Weeks as a fantastic book of poetry.


15. I have been biten by a dog while riding a bike, the day before vacation. The dog held on for about 50 feet.


16. When really tired, I cease speaking and start signing...and I don't notice this happening since to me it's all words, and signing is speaking. (ASL) Though, if I ever meet someone who knows the language I blank. lol.


17. I think it would be fun to go hanggliding. I'd want to take my camera though.


18. I have more than 300 movies on my shelf. (Ironically the movie 300 isn't one of them).


19. I would love to see one of my relatives on a game show...Millionaire or Jeopardy....they are one of the smartest people I know and it'd be fun to watch them kick mental butt. :)


20. I'm asymmetrical.


21. I love taking nature photography.


22. I abhor having my picture taken and really dislike it when people post pictures of me online without first seeing if this is a picture I'd want to share with the world. I am not photogenic. People in earlier centuries had it so much easier, if they were more frumpy than cute it was only locally known. Now, the WWW has made sure everyone in the world can see you on a bad day...with the help of "friends".  At the very least anyone posting pictures of others should learn and abide by photography's rule of thirds. It will also enhance your other pictures.



23. I have Myrmecophobia.


24. I love lilies, roses, geraniums, and carnations.


25. I can be shy, and tongue tied even around people I've known for years...and can struggle to find something to say. And yet, I can also be loquacious and it can take an hour to say goodbye.


26. I love the smell of rain.


27. I love board games, and playing them. I play backgammon online with several friends.


28. I stump most doctors. I think it runs in the family. I'm not rich enough to pay the out of pocket expenses to figure it out though so oh well. Neuroscience is a cool field, even when you're the subject.


29. I think having a powerful car beneath you, and no imposed speed limits is awesome....also in this dream is no traffic ;)


30. I treasure my friendships and hold them as one of the most prized possessions and gifts I've ever been given.


BONUS THOUGHTS



31. I've had an 8.5 foot boa wrapped around my waste voluntarily.


32. I have sat and read books with gorillas.


33. I make quilts. I give quilts away, lol, maybe one day I'll make one for me.


34. I sometimes think in song. I like to sing.


35. I have few goals. I prefer to take each day as it comes and just enjoy life. "Every man dies. Not everyman truly lives." (Braveheart)


36. I love beholding the beauty of this world and realizing it is but a mere glimpse of the beauty and grandeur of God. I love sititng before an ocean, filling the waves roll in and out, the power/depth/mystery of it all and yet how constant. I love sitting in the middle of a mountain field or under the pines...and inhaling the air around and feeling the enormity and yet the detailed minutia overwhelming the senses.


37. I disregard age. I often can't remember how old I am, let alone those around me. I see instead the heart, the passion for adventure, fun, and warmth of the person before me.


38. I can be stubborn....make no mistake...but I've learned to pick my battles. But occassionally I'll lapse if provoked and someone will get my back up...and before you know it...the stubborn response kicks in..... but most of the time though I'm quiet and laid back.



39.  I think it would be awesome to be a voice in an animated film.   Even better would be my youngest brother's voice....he has talented vocals...Robin Williams like. :) 
 
 
40.   ......you have to leave a little to the imagination......
"watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you, because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places.  Those who don't believe in magic will never find it!" Ronald Dahl

Credit for....

Today I spent a great deal of time weighing options.   There's an author, L.M. Montgomery, who captured so beautifully in one of her simple character's learnings, maturation, story arc the debate I had with myself today.   One of her characters was prone to talking a lot....and one of the other characters was trying to challenge this character to speak less, think more...and the character responded back with something the the effect of, "if you only knew how much I wanted to say and didn't, you'd give me some credit." (Anne of Green Gables, and Marilla just in case it wasn't obvious enough who I was referring to.) :)

After careful thought, and Romans 14, I have decided not to post the blog I wrote earlier which would have been titled "perception is reality" in order to take a page from the scene above.  So this is my tribute to the idea...if you only knew how much I wanted to say and didn't....Of course, there was the fact that the picture above was too pretty not to be used for a blog today.

So drink in the beauty of Tom Till's picture above and know I intended to say soooo much more tonight. ;)  

My parting thought, other than Tom Till has a brilliant eye and breath taking pictures is....that Nearly Normals in Corvallis is awesome.   If you ever find yourself in the area STOP in!!!  Seriously this is some awesomely "Veggielicious Vegetarian Cooking"!!!!!  I was hooked from the moment I bit into Athena's Delight.   Of all that I could miss of Oregon I miss this place...second only to the Ocean.   Their website isn't all that fancy or posh but the food is simply amazing and more than makes up for it.    Seriously even if you are a healthy meat loving person, this place is worth foregoing your usual perfered protein source.  Go!  Then let me know ;). :)  http://www.nearlynormals.com/

not really a blog....

Hi world, it's been forever since I've written and there's a part of myself...deep down that misses it. However, life has been super busy of late. So this won't truly be a blog but I was reading in a book...one of my other neglected hobbies of late and came across this line. The line resonated within...and I had to record it somewhere. It was beautiful and poignant ---perfect, really.

"...as I sat there, half-alone in the darkness of my closed eyes."

What a perfect description of a moment...how even in the middle of a crowd, or a party, or even just a quiet evening with a loved one...there there are moments where you are alone. And it isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it is a state of being, sometimes peaceful, sometimes poignant in a way you couldn't describe yet you feel deeply. It makes sense to you and no one else...and it can be enough. Just that breathe of time, that moment of darkness where the world disappears in a blink. And, then there are times when you are profoundly grateful to raise the lids of your eyes and realize that you aren't alone.

So it depends on the moment, and on a host of circumstances that lead you to that moment, with the future stretching before you, unplanned, unfated...possibilities dance like dust motes in the air on a sunny day...but no matter what comes next you have that simple reality encompassing you. Then the truth that transcends both realities of eyes open or eyes closed. This transcendental truth is the one home I am most thankful for of all.

Deuteronomy 31:6,8
"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you."
"The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."